I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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