HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
