It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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