your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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