A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
