I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
