Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
