when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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