I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Small penises have feelings too.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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