Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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