I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
