My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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