I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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