Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
