Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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