she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize