I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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