I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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