Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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