I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize