Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Michael Bay diarrhea
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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