I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize