Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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