Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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