He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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