i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
