I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
