If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
