Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
