i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
