Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
