he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
