I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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