Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
