Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
