Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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