I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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