OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
