need another drink. this is the easiest way
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
