so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Randomize
