K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
