He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
