i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
