he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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