I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Randomize
