I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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