All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
