It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
