i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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