Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize