Pants 0. Shit 1.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
