Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
