I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
