I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize