life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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