shes about as inviting as chlamydia
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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