not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Houston, we have a squirter
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
