what day is it and did you see me today?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
