He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
