I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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