youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
