If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
