The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
